Me and sexy have been more like vague acquaintances than friends.
I was the Tom boy, the athlete, the smart ass sports reporter.
Then I became a wife and moved all over the country.
Then I became the fat girl.
For a long time.
While the weight never affected my marriage, it piled on more to a person with not a lot of self confidence. That being said, I decided now was the time to take romance writing serious.
Because that field is a real confidence booster.
Sex isn't in all romance books, and I'm sure I can write sweet or clean as it's often called, but as a rule, I tend to read books with a little more action. I mean just once I'd like to see a kiss on the Hallmark Channel last longer than two seconds.
So how do you write sexy, when you don't feel sexy?
I began to make changes, not major, but small steps, to redo my inner image of who I wanted to be. I made sure when I worked my regular job, I did everything to make people remember my work. When people thank you for what you've written about them in a newspaper, their words give you confidence.
When I showed up to interview someone--most of my in person interviews are conducted on some sort of athletic field--I dressed professional enough for the interview, but not so professional, I wore heels onto a football field. Quite honestly, a fair amount of sports reporters I've know over the years show up places with gravy stains on their shirts and hair growing out of their ears.
Dressing the part, gives you confidence.
I started going to the gym.
Truth is you don't make up for a bad diet with exercise, but what exercise does do for you is make your aware of what your body can do.
For weeks, I swam, walked the treadmill, the elliptical, bike, and even used a trainer for awhile. Every time I'd walked by one of the group class rooms, I'd watch the class for a bit and wonder if I could keep up.
Every time I'd watch Zumba, I'd clearly knew there was no way I could keep up.
But one morning, I decided to take the leap. I stepped into this room close to the back and told the woman behind me not to follow what I was doing. While my mom had been a gloriously talented dancer, that gene for me disintegrated upon fertilization.
While waiting for class to begin,In walks, or should I say bounces, into the room the instructor. Oh no, I'm dead.
She said her name was Jackie, and we were going to have fun. Sure. What I figured out immediately was that at one time, Jackie had to have been a competitive dancer. Her Zumba was choreographed. I have l left and right issues.
I didn't die during the first class, nor did I knock anyone over...and I actually had fun. So I went back.
That was three years ago, and now, I'm still going every Thursday. I've had to miss for illness or surgery, but I make every effort to make Jackie's class.
I'm not the oldest, most certainly not the youngest. I'm might be one of largest, but I don't care. Ever since I started going to Zumba, I feel good about my body. I feel sexy. Let's face it, Latin music is sexy, and when you let those rhythms become part of you, it's hot.
Jumping is out for me because I have a damaged foot. Spinning in circles makes my dizzy, but I improvise and keep to the music. When I'm there, I feel like a dancer, and when I become that dancer, I feel sexy.
All of this became a movement to get me to believe I still had it. I purchased pretty and matching lingerie. I don't sleep in ripped, ratty T-shirts or sweatpants. Most of the time, when I go out, I choose clothing that makes me feel confident.
And while I'm getting in much better shape and losing weight, what I've gained more is the realization that I can still be sexy and older.
And I'm a better writer for it.
I could read every book out there on writing love scenes, but if you feel like a sludge, it's not going to work. While I'm in Zumba class, even with the moves and the music, I'm working through scenes in my books in my mind. Of course, at times, those little mind trips keep me from moving on to the next action. But everyone in class chalks it up to the fact rhythm does not come naturally to me.
So, I want to thank Zumba and most importantly Jackie for making me realize sexy is not synonymous for young.
Follow me on social media: Facebook